who'd have kids ? just a joke!

Eight Words with two Meanings_**

*

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.*
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.*

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.*
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.*

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.*
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.*

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.*
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.*

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.*
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.*

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.*
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.*

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.*
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.*

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.*
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/yahoo.gif)

Du fährst mit dem Auto und hältst eine konstante Geschwindigkeit. Auf
Deiner linken Seite befindet sich ein Abhang. Auf deiner rechten Seite
fährt ein riesiges Feuerwehrauto und hält die gleiche Geschwindigkeit wie
du. Vor dir galoppiert ein Schwein, das eindeutig grösser ist als dein
Auto und du kannst nicht vorbei. Hinter dir verfolgt dich ein Hubschrauber
auf Bodenhöhe. Das Schwein und der Hubschrauber haben exakt deine
Geschwindigkeit. Was unternimmst du, um dieser Situation gefahrlos zu
entkommen ???


Lösung etwas weiter unten:

































Antwort:
vom Kinderkarussell absteigen und weniger Glühwein trinken !!!
Schöne Weihnachtszeit!

Und jetzt auf Deutsch ! (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/an_ouarf.gif)

Là ça se complique ... mes 7 années d'Allemand sont si loin. (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/yahoo.gif)

Tu reçois la TNT ?

ARTE : version allemande ! (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/cling.gif)

Warum ich immer so einen Stress habe !!!

Die Bevölkerung von Deutschland beläuft sich heute auf ca. 80 Millionen Menschen.
Davon sind 30.2 Millionen bereits Rentner.


Es verbleiben also 49.8 Millionen, um die ganze Arbeit zu verrichten.
Zählt man noch 20 Millionen Kinder, Schüler und 9 Millionen Studenten ab, so verbleiben noch 20.8 Millionen.

Dann sind aber noch 4 000 000 Arbeitslose und 15.160 Millionen Beamte,
die auch kaum etwas tun.
Bleiben also 640 000 Menschen übrig.
300 000 befinden sich zudem im Militärdienst,

200 000 in Zivis und 139 998 im Gefängnis.

Somit bleiben noch zwei armselige Trottel übrig,
um die ganze Arbeit zu erledigen.

DU und ICH.

Und was tust Du? Sitzt da vorm Computer und liest diesen Blödsinn.

Kein Wunder, dass ich total überlastet bin!!! :




Bon, il y avait aussi des images, mais...elles sont passées à la trappe. Bon courage!
ps cpmment écrire d'une autre couleur ? bz

Ce message a été modifié par joanne_192 - 10/12/2005 15:38.

Comme cela !

Tu tapes ton texte et tu le sélectionnes.

Dans le "bandeau" de la fenêtre de réponse, tu cliques la lettre "A" pour obtenir la palette de couleurs et faire ton choix (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/cling.gif)

Ce message a été modifié par cdoris - 12/12/2005 09:49.

Ok merci!

Try this: http://www.mondominishows.com/zombie_college/index.htm (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) And particularly Happy Tree Friends, absolute gore, my pupils told me about it!! bz


bon, j'ai sélectionné mais je n'ai rien vu de ce que tu as dit!!!! : (



Tu as compris cette blague ?

Ce message a été modifié par joanne_192 - 12/12/2005 22:37.

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed. "You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"
"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.
Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then...... pointa to you watch and a say, Times Up?"

[quote name='cdoris' date='lundi 12 décembre 2005 à 09:42' post='102073']
Comme cela !

Tu tapes ton texte et tu le sélectionnes.

Dans le "bandeau" de la fenêtre de réponse, tu cliques la lettre "A" pour obtenir la palette de couleurs et faire ton

On n'est pas dans la ' réponse rapide ' si je comprends bien ? (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/gniark.gif)





This is about Bush again!!

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs
to be changed.

3. One to decide that, yeah, it IS dark in here.

4. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb.

5. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for
changing the light bulb or for darkness.

6. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new light bulb.

7. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished."

8. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in
detail how Bush was literally in the dark.

9. One to viciously smear #8.

10. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush
has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along.

11. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

Ce message a été modifié par joanne_192 - 12/12/2005 23:31.

A Sordid Story

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure that went by the name Artie".
Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but he couldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect on his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid something up front. The man opened his wallet, displaying a single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as a down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife into the local Safeway grocery store. There he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings was captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, ncluding his financial arrangements with the hapless husband. And that is why the next day in the newspaper, the headlines read:
(You're going to hate me for this) Scroll down...











"ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY"'

(IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/aaaa.gif)

(IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/an_ouarf.gif)



You're right (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/cling.gif)

I hope you had a good Christmas (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/glass.gif)

Yes, You did it ! (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/cling.gif)

I had a very good Christmas... now preparing New Year... (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/aga.gif)

I hope you also had a nice Christmas, and Happy New Year (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/an_coucou.gif)

A very peaceful Christmas in Lapland ( it's a religious feast, no extra food! ). And a good new year's party : friends celebrating 40th birthday and also a surprise wedding!! Great fun. And you ? (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/glass1.gif)

Christmas with my family in "Pays Basque" and a great new year's party in Toulouse with friends from 17 to... over 50 (mean age around 40) : good food, good wine, good music and great fun until... 7am ! (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/aga.gif)

Sounds good. here's my latest joke! Well, not mine, sent to me!



A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class
gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for 'Economy' and
that she will have to go and sit in the back.

The blonde replies 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and
co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that
because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an economy place and she will have to leave and return to her original seat.

The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Melbourne and I' m staying right here!'

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that
he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest
this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, 'You say she's blonde?

I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!'

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says "Oh,
I'm sorry - I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her seat in
the economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he
said to make her move without any fuss.

The Pilot replied "I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne".









Ce message a été modifié par joanne_192 - 12/01/2006 10:31.

(IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/an_ouarf.gif)

Bon, au moins une personne trouve ça drôle!!! (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/glass.gif) peut-être pourrait-on parfois parler des beaufs en même temps que les blondes... ( je connais des blondes très intelligentes!!!!) (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/cling.gif)

Moi aussi : mon chef actuel... et mon ancien chef (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/cling.gif)

J'adore les blondes intelligentes (IMG:http://forum.ripp-it.com/style_emoticons/default/aga.gif)